A Progressive’s Step-By-Step Guide To Surviving Australia Day


Australia Day has come around again and you love Australia. You really do. It’s the best place in the world with the best people.

But what to do on its national day when it actually commemorates dispossession?

And also, if you care about logic, it’s not even when Australia was founded?

Step 1: Find a Yabun Festival

It’s the opportunity to be in a happy-vibe place that’s about celebration of an enduring culture (less awkward than celebrating the precursor to violence). It’s where activism and entertainment meet.

Step 2: Stock up on Australia’s other national flags

The flag with the union jack just reminds you of the dispossession that we shouldn’t be celebrating. So forget that flag for today and drape yourself in Australia’s other national flags:

The Aboriginal Flag

The Torres Strait Islander Flag

The Eureka Flag

Step 3: Avoid large gatherings of nationalistic people

Organise your own party with like-minded progressives that are also aware of the horrible history of Australia Day. This way you don’t need to explain its history and end up arguing with your uncle at the barbie when all you were wanted to do was check on the sausages.

Step 4: Make a vow

Make a vow to keep all your patriotic energy for the more fitting day for Australia, January 1. It’s a while away now but it was when we were, technically, founded. Clearly 31 December 1900, was a fairly subdued New Year's Eve.

Step 5: Listen to the Hottest 100

It’s a bigger national tradition than Australia Day. The Hottest 100 existed before Australia Day became a national holiday. It’s hilariously true.

Showing 1 reaction

Please check your e-mail for a link to activate your account.
  • commented 2015-01-24 17:12:08 +1100
    It’s a start, but you should improve it for next year. I am sure there’s even better ideas that people can suggest. For starters, call it First Fleet Day, and issue a Press Release celebrating that, clearly contexturalising 30000 years of indigenous habitation that came before it. It’s mirror image should be a Mabo Day, when aboriginal people were once again ‘owners’ of Australia and Australian culture.